I just saw my last post from 3 months ago regarding my mental road block ... which I still haven't resolved. Or maybe it's not so much a mental road block anymore as it is just plain lack of motivation. I used to be motivated to do things. Not sure what's happened recently.
I've been getting a lot more workouts in on the weekends. And until recently they've been pretty disappointing. We had a triple brick workout in the 90+ degree heat - I decided to give it a try and realized that I was in very serious need of a bike fit. My feet felt like they were on fire - I was in so much pain. Needless to say, I didn't make it as far as I would have liked. I did have a mental roadblock that day which brought me to a halt, but after some inward reflection I pushed on and then had a good talk with a past teammate which seemed to help get me out of my funk.
This past weekend, the team had a 50/100 mile bike ride on Silverado Trail. I volunteered at the water stop but brought all my running gear with me. Every hour or so I'd add another piece of running equipment to myself ... socks, shoes, visor, watch, sunscreen ... until it was about noon and I realized if I didn't start running, I wasn't ever going to do it. I took off not knowing how far I was going to make it. There were several times I thought about turning around but kept going forward until I got to about 5 miles and thought I better turn around before someone had to come pick me up. The run back was mentally challenging. It was hot and I was tired. Afterall, I haven't been training and yet I was expecting my body to run 10 miles. But I made it and I was happy with my time. It's been a long time since I've been able to say that.
Sunday we went for a swim in the Russian River. I hadn't swam in the river since Vineman 2009. It felt so long ago and yet seemed so familiar. The team was doing a 70 minute swim but I really wanted to try to swim 2 loops which I knew would take me longer than that. I decided to just try one loop without stopping (which would be the longest continuous swim I've had so far this year). I did it - 1.2 miles in 44 minutes. I waited at the end for several minutes - contemplating whether to go out for another loop. I decided to try it and see what would happen. I went almost to the turnaround and back. My watch said I ended with 2.2 miles - which is probably pretty close. I can't be disappointed with that time. With the lack of effort I have put into swimming this year - just to make it the distance is an accomplishment in itself. At least I know I can make it under the 2.5 hour time cutoff :)
Overall, I'm pretty happy with my workouts this past weekend. Now if I could just get motivated to start training during the week ... what will it take??? I don't understand it - I'm passionate when talking about the sports to others, but don't have the passion when it comes to actually doing it.
I wish I knew how to make it fun again ...
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Monday, April 11, 2011
Mental Road Block
With Vineman less than 3 months away, I’ve realized that I need to start training. Like seriously training. Now how do I do that? I have a boyfriend who is so motivating and encouraging, a team of coaches willing to help me with any questions I have, teammates who are willing to join me for workouts, friends who are constantly asking how it’s going and I’m stuck. I have no motivation to do anything.
What is wrong with me and how do I fix it? I did an Ironman 2 years ago – I know I can do it. And yet when faced with something as simple as a 45 minute swim, I doubt myself and tell myself I won’t be able to do it and so I don’t. What am I afraid of? That once was my limit? That I won’t do better than last time? That I won’t finish? That I’ll never get faster? Yup. I think all of those things are reasons preventing me from getting my workouts in.
So how do I fix it? I have no freaking idea.
I’ve told myself that I know what to do and that I just need to follow the plan and do it. That hasn’t helped. I’ve tried watching motivational videos and reading motivational stories. That hasn’t helped. I’ve tried letting other people critique me on things like swim and run form. That hasn’t helped. I don’t know what I need. At this point, I feel like I’ve tried everything and it’s up to me to make it happen. But I can’t. And I realize it on a daily basis and it makes me feel like a failure.
I wonder how things got this bad. When training for my Ironman in 2009, though it had its ups and downs, I remember the overall experience being great. So great, that I wanted to sign up for the following year. In 2010 I ended up taking the year off from serious training and chose to help others meet their goals. My dog was also very sick and as I’m typing this I realized that taking care of myself and my training wasn’t really a priority. And I guess it’s still not. I still put others before myself. I still choose to volunteer at workouts instead of doing the workout. If it comes down to Nate getting his workout in, or me doing mine … I try to make sure he does his. Ultimately everyone else is more important than me. Wow. I didn’t realize I felt that way until now.
I can see this is going to be a long process … so that’s it for today.
What is wrong with me and how do I fix it? I did an Ironman 2 years ago – I know I can do it. And yet when faced with something as simple as a 45 minute swim, I doubt myself and tell myself I won’t be able to do it and so I don’t. What am I afraid of? That once was my limit? That I won’t do better than last time? That I won’t finish? That I’ll never get faster? Yup. I think all of those things are reasons preventing me from getting my workouts in.
So how do I fix it? I have no freaking idea.
I’ve told myself that I know what to do and that I just need to follow the plan and do it. That hasn’t helped. I’ve tried watching motivational videos and reading motivational stories. That hasn’t helped. I’ve tried letting other people critique me on things like swim and run form. That hasn’t helped. I don’t know what I need. At this point, I feel like I’ve tried everything and it’s up to me to make it happen. But I can’t. And I realize it on a daily basis and it makes me feel like a failure.
I wonder how things got this bad. When training for my Ironman in 2009, though it had its ups and downs, I remember the overall experience being great. So great, that I wanted to sign up for the following year. In 2010 I ended up taking the year off from serious training and chose to help others meet their goals. My dog was also very sick and as I’m typing this I realized that taking care of myself and my training wasn’t really a priority. And I guess it’s still not. I still put others before myself. I still choose to volunteer at workouts instead of doing the workout. If it comes down to Nate getting his workout in, or me doing mine … I try to make sure he does his. Ultimately everyone else is more important than me. Wow. I didn’t realize I felt that way until now.
I can see this is going to be a long process … so that’s it for today.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Miserable
Started feeling a little under the weather yesterday and woke up this morning feeling absolutely miserable. And what great timing because this weekend is our 1/2 Ironman Training Weekend. I can't swim more than 1000 yards without needing a break (so I'm skipping the swim entirely), I'll probably be okay on the bike, but I have yet to run farther than 8 miles and somehow I'm supposed to bike 56 miles followed by a hilly 13 mile run.
In addition to being sick and completely unprepared for the weekend ... it's supposed to rain the entire time. And we're camping. F---ing lovely.
Oh well ... what can you do except make the best out of what you're given.
In addition to being sick and completely unprepared for the weekend ... it's supposed to rain the entire time. And we're camping. F---ing lovely.
Oh well ... what can you do except make the best out of what you're given.
Monday, March 14, 2011
Sore legs make me happy
What??
I questioned that statement just now as I wrote it - but it's true. It means my workouts this weekend were tough and I pushed through coming out stronger (albeit more sore) than before.
Saturday we had a beautiful ride in Napa. Probably one of the most beautiful rides I've done in a long time. Our ride started out in Napa Valley through vineyards and we somehow ended up in a forest with creeks and waterfalls and huge redwood trees (they may not have actually been redwood trees. I don't know my tree species so I'm just using that as an example). But it was gorgeous. During this 4 mile climb through the trees I just kept thinking how lucky we were to be out there - and didn't really care how much my legs were burning. Then I remember getting to the top and starting to descend ... and was completely disappointed. They had said the descent was fast and I didn't think they meant time-wise. It was so short for that amount of climbing. But the short descent lead out to a flat road and then another descent ... which was AWESOME! It was a long, straight, beautifully paved road and I was flying! I got to the bottom and announced to everyone there ... Now THAT was FUN! It was about 15 miles back to the start into a headwind and I was pretty tired. My watch died so I don't know my exact mileage or time - but it was roughly 50 miles in a little over 3 hours.
Sunday we met at Aquatic Park for a swim, run and core workout. Since I refuse to swim in the bay - I sat on the bleachers and waited for the run to start. My run started out great. I felt good and I felt fast. I was running about an 8:20/min mile and didn't feel like I was exerting that much effort. I did a 4 min run/1 min walk and was still averaging about 9 min miles. Then we hit the stairs - probably about 3-4 flights of stairs and then a path leading to the top of the hill. My lungs don't like climbing. Went back down the stairs, ran a little farther, turned around and went up the stairs a second time, back down and then returned to the start. After the stairs, my running just wasn't the same. I was able to run under 9 min miles but I couldn't hold the pace for more than a couple minutes so I did a shorter run/walk back to the start. Finished about 8 miles in 1.5 hours. All this followed by a 40 min core workout.
I'm extremely sore today - but feel really good about my workouts this weekend and the effort I put into them. I was able to see some progress this weekend in both sports - but mostly running. I can't remember ever running sub 9 min miles and feeling good. I'm starting to get the speed -now I just have to get the distance. I also realized what some of my other weaknesses are and where I need to focus some of my training.
It was a great weekend and I'm sorry for it to end ... but I'm SOOOO looking forward to a night off :) My muscles need a break! TGIM!
I questioned that statement just now as I wrote it - but it's true. It means my workouts this weekend were tough and I pushed through coming out stronger (albeit more sore) than before.
Saturday we had a beautiful ride in Napa. Probably one of the most beautiful rides I've done in a long time. Our ride started out in Napa Valley through vineyards and we somehow ended up in a forest with creeks and waterfalls and huge redwood trees (they may not have actually been redwood trees. I don't know my tree species so I'm just using that as an example). But it was gorgeous. During this 4 mile climb through the trees I just kept thinking how lucky we were to be out there - and didn't really care how much my legs were burning. Then I remember getting to the top and starting to descend ... and was completely disappointed. They had said the descent was fast and I didn't think they meant time-wise. It was so short for that amount of climbing. But the short descent lead out to a flat road and then another descent ... which was AWESOME! It was a long, straight, beautifully paved road and I was flying! I got to the bottom and announced to everyone there ... Now THAT was FUN! It was about 15 miles back to the start into a headwind and I was pretty tired. My watch died so I don't know my exact mileage or time - but it was roughly 50 miles in a little over 3 hours.
Sunday we met at Aquatic Park for a swim, run and core workout. Since I refuse to swim in the bay - I sat on the bleachers and waited for the run to start. My run started out great. I felt good and I felt fast. I was running about an 8:20/min mile and didn't feel like I was exerting that much effort. I did a 4 min run/1 min walk and was still averaging about 9 min miles. Then we hit the stairs - probably about 3-4 flights of stairs and then a path leading to the top of the hill. My lungs don't like climbing. Went back down the stairs, ran a little farther, turned around and went up the stairs a second time, back down and then returned to the start. After the stairs, my running just wasn't the same. I was able to run under 9 min miles but I couldn't hold the pace for more than a couple minutes so I did a shorter run/walk back to the start. Finished about 8 miles in 1.5 hours. All this followed by a 40 min core workout.
I'm extremely sore today - but feel really good about my workouts this weekend and the effort I put into them. I was able to see some progress this weekend in both sports - but mostly running. I can't remember ever running sub 9 min miles and feeling good. I'm starting to get the speed -now I just have to get the distance. I also realized what some of my other weaknesses are and where I need to focus some of my training.
It was a great weekend and I'm sorry for it to end ... but I'm SOOOO looking forward to a night off :) My muscles need a break! TGIM!
Monday, March 7, 2011
No Complaints
It seems recently I only post when I have something to complain about - so I thought since I had a great weekend (including a great workout) that I should write about it so I can remember it later :)
First off - I have been feeling so much better since I started the Whole 30 Food Challenge again. This is probably the most important thing I need to remind myself of so after the 30 days - I continue to eat like this and keep all the "extra" stuff to a minimum. I just finished the first week and already feel like I have more energy throughout the day, more mental clarity, and most importantly for my relationship's sake ... a better mood. I feel so bad for Nate when he has to deal with my grumpiness. And when I know I'm being a complete "B" but there's nothing I can do about it. Sorry babe. I love you :)
Saturday was a fun but very long day. Woke up at 5am to head to Shadow Cliffs where the Ironteam was doing a Ride N Tie that my mom and I organized. We had them do all kinds of goofy stuff and everyone wore costumes. It was great entertainment. Later than night Nate taught (or tried to teach) me how to weld. I think I did okay for my first time. I didn't severely burn myself and I was successfully able to weld four pieces of metal together although it might not have looked that great. After that we headed over to my dad's house and shot his new pellet gun (with a silencer) at targets he made in the garage. I didn't do so great but I'm blaming it on the fact that I didn't have my glasses and that I was tired :P
Sunday was another early morning. Up at 4:30am to take my mom to the airport. The day didn't start off so great tho - when we walked out to the car we saw that someone had scraped against it while backing out of a parking space and left a huge scrape all the way down the passenger side as well as huge dent. Poor car.
After getting home and taking a quick nap I went out for a run with some Ironteam peeps in the rain. I wasn't sure how the run was going to go. I had shin splints all week and the farthest I had run this year was about 5 miles. The first 3 miles of the run were tough. My stomach was cramping, I was having some chest pain (I think it's a muscle thing), but I was holding about a 10:30 pace with the occasional minute walk. I decided to turn around at about 3.5 miles since I wasn't sure how I was going to feel at the end. The next 3 miles were great. I opted for a 4/1 strategy and was running 9 min miles (sometimes less). When I got to the start I felt pretty good so I turned around and went out for another 25 min run. Ended with 8.5 miles and felt great afterwards. I was pleasantly surprised. I know the rest of my training won't come this easily but it felt good knowing I'm not as far behind as I thought.
First off - I have been feeling so much better since I started the Whole 30 Food Challenge again. This is probably the most important thing I need to remind myself of so after the 30 days - I continue to eat like this and keep all the "extra" stuff to a minimum. I just finished the first week and already feel like I have more energy throughout the day, more mental clarity, and most importantly for my relationship's sake ... a better mood. I feel so bad for Nate when he has to deal with my grumpiness. And when I know I'm being a complete "B" but there's nothing I can do about it. Sorry babe. I love you :)
Saturday was a fun but very long day. Woke up at 5am to head to Shadow Cliffs where the Ironteam was doing a Ride N Tie that my mom and I organized. We had them do all kinds of goofy stuff and everyone wore costumes. It was great entertainment. Later than night Nate taught (or tried to teach) me how to weld. I think I did okay for my first time. I didn't severely burn myself and I was successfully able to weld four pieces of metal together although it might not have looked that great. After that we headed over to my dad's house and shot his new pellet gun (with a silencer) at targets he made in the garage. I didn't do so great but I'm blaming it on the fact that I didn't have my glasses and that I was tired :P
Sunday was another early morning. Up at 4:30am to take my mom to the airport. The day didn't start off so great tho - when we walked out to the car we saw that someone had scraped against it while backing out of a parking space and left a huge scrape all the way down the passenger side as well as huge dent. Poor car.
After getting home and taking a quick nap I went out for a run with some Ironteam peeps in the rain. I wasn't sure how the run was going to go. I had shin splints all week and the farthest I had run this year was about 5 miles. The first 3 miles of the run were tough. My stomach was cramping, I was having some chest pain (I think it's a muscle thing), but I was holding about a 10:30 pace with the occasional minute walk. I decided to turn around at about 3.5 miles since I wasn't sure how I was going to feel at the end. The next 3 miles were great. I opted for a 4/1 strategy and was running 9 min miles (sometimes less). When I got to the start I felt pretty good so I turned around and went out for another 25 min run. Ended with 8.5 miles and felt great afterwards. I was pleasantly surprised. I know the rest of my training won't come this easily but it felt good knowing I'm not as far behind as I thought.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
...
The title of the post says it all. It's been ... these last few days.
Friday night I got a phone call from my mom that my cousin had been shot and killed. Hoping it was a joke but knowing that it wasn't, Nate and I drove out to my cousin's house in Oakland where it looked like a scene from CSI. Crime scene tape, police cars lining the street, cars randomly parked up and down the street, cops everywhere ... I would imagine in a normal neighborhood all the neighbors would be outside watching the commotion, but in this neighborhood everyone seemed to stay inside and mind their own business probably out of fear of being next. The whole night still seems very surreal. I remember standing there, staring at his body laying in the street, knowing it was him but not believing it. No emotion, no feelings, no nothing. I guess I still feel that way. I feel blank. Empty. Death is never an easy thing to deal with. But when your 33 year old cousin is shot 9 times in front of his home with his daughter just a house away ... how do you deal with that?
Saturday I skipped my workout with the team. I didn't want to deal with the condolences and hugs and questions. I just wanted to sleep. When Nate came home he convinced me to go on a trail run with him. It did feel nice to be outside although my run was more of a hike. Sunday I skipped my workout again and slept in. Still trying to get rid of this cold and not motivated to do much anyway. I promised Nate if my cough hadn't gotten better by Monday that I would see a doctor - which I did. Got antibiotics, an inhaler and cough syrup with codeine.
Monday night I went for a swim and felt pretty good until the end when I could barely make it 50 yards without getting out of breath. 1700 yards total. And I got some swimming tips from Coach Haakon which I'll try out in the pool next time.
Hoping to stick to the workout schedule this week and keep my mind focused on that. Saturday will be the memorial service for my cousin so I imagine another rough weekend ahead.
Friday night I got a phone call from my mom that my cousin had been shot and killed. Hoping it was a joke but knowing that it wasn't, Nate and I drove out to my cousin's house in Oakland where it looked like a scene from CSI. Crime scene tape, police cars lining the street, cars randomly parked up and down the street, cops everywhere ... I would imagine in a normal neighborhood all the neighbors would be outside watching the commotion, but in this neighborhood everyone seemed to stay inside and mind their own business probably out of fear of being next. The whole night still seems very surreal. I remember standing there, staring at his body laying in the street, knowing it was him but not believing it. No emotion, no feelings, no nothing. I guess I still feel that way. I feel blank. Empty. Death is never an easy thing to deal with. But when your 33 year old cousin is shot 9 times in front of his home with his daughter just a house away ... how do you deal with that?
Saturday I skipped my workout with the team. I didn't want to deal with the condolences and hugs and questions. I just wanted to sleep. When Nate came home he convinced me to go on a trail run with him. It did feel nice to be outside although my run was more of a hike. Sunday I skipped my workout again and slept in. Still trying to get rid of this cold and not motivated to do much anyway. I promised Nate if my cough hadn't gotten better by Monday that I would see a doctor - which I did. Got antibiotics, an inhaler and cough syrup with codeine.
Monday night I went for a swim and felt pretty good until the end when I could barely make it 50 yards without getting out of breath. 1700 yards total. And I got some swimming tips from Coach Haakon which I'll try out in the pool next time.
Hoping to stick to the workout schedule this week and keep my mind focused on that. Saturday will be the memorial service for my cousin so I imagine another rough weekend ahead.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Sick
Almost made it through January without getting sick ...
It started Friday night and continued over into Saturday which means I did not run 9 miles like I was supposed to. Instead I slept for about 14 hours.
Sunday I got up for a ride with the team even though I really really wanted to stay in bed. We rode 40 hilly miles in the pouring rain. Averaged 13mph over the entire ride which had about 1800 feet of climbing. I feel I should have been faster but the wet roads combined with being sick didn't make for an ideal day. I'm a little disappointed in my last few rides. My previous ride was 33 miles with about 2400 feet of climbing and I averaged 12 mph. I thought my new bike would make me so much faster but I keep averaging 12/13 mph. I guess I haven't had a nice flat ride yet though. Everything has had quite a bit of climbing which I obviously need to improve on.
Today is supposed to be an off day and I would love to take advantage of it and go to bed early but I might try to swim tonight ... although I'm not counting on it.
It started Friday night and continued over into Saturday which means I did not run 9 miles like I was supposed to. Instead I slept for about 14 hours.
Sunday I got up for a ride with the team even though I really really wanted to stay in bed. We rode 40 hilly miles in the pouring rain. Averaged 13mph over the entire ride which had about 1800 feet of climbing. I feel I should have been faster but the wet roads combined with being sick didn't make for an ideal day. I'm a little disappointed in my last few rides. My previous ride was 33 miles with about 2400 feet of climbing and I averaged 12 mph. I thought my new bike would make me so much faster but I keep averaging 12/13 mph. I guess I haven't had a nice flat ride yet though. Everything has had quite a bit of climbing which I obviously need to improve on.
Today is supposed to be an off day and I would love to take advantage of it and go to bed early but I might try to swim tonight ... although I'm not counting on it.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
January
It's almost the end of January and I realize I have made no attempt to update this blog. Oh well - here it goes:
28 Days to Health - I started the cleanse at the beginning of January and really stuck with it for the first week (which was horrible just like last time with the headaches). After the first week I decided to modify it a bit and just try to eat more whole foods instead while keeping as gluten and dairy free as possible. It's been 3.5 weeks and I'm down a little over 7 lbs. I got my body fat tested on 1/11 and it was 21.5%. My goal is to be under 19% in 4 months (although hopefully sooner).
Team in Training - As of today I've raised over $2000 this season for LLS :) Thank you to all my donors!! You are making a difference in the lives of cancer patients and their families!
Training has picked up a little bit although I'm still not getting in all the workouts like I should be. Especially the swims. It's so hard to get motivated to swim when it's cold and dark outside. I did do a 1900 yard swim last night and it wasn't completely terrible. I did my 1000 yard marker set in 21:36. My last marker set was in 2009 so I really don't have anything to compare it to right now.
I've been getting plenty of spins and bike rides in on my new bike :) Definitely a different feeling than my old bike and my body is still trying to get used to it.
This weekend I have a 9 mile run (HA!) scheduled for Saturday and a 40 mile bike ride on Sunday. We'll see how those go ...
28 Days to Health - I started the cleanse at the beginning of January and really stuck with it for the first week (which was horrible just like last time with the headaches). After the first week I decided to modify it a bit and just try to eat more whole foods instead while keeping as gluten and dairy free as possible. It's been 3.5 weeks and I'm down a little over 7 lbs. I got my body fat tested on 1/11 and it was 21.5%. My goal is to be under 19% in 4 months (although hopefully sooner).
Team in Training - As of today I've raised over $2000 this season for LLS :) Thank you to all my donors!! You are making a difference in the lives of cancer patients and their families!
Training has picked up a little bit although I'm still not getting in all the workouts like I should be. Especially the swims. It's so hard to get motivated to swim when it's cold and dark outside. I did do a 1900 yard swim last night and it wasn't completely terrible. I did my 1000 yard marker set in 21:36. My last marker set was in 2009 so I really don't have anything to compare it to right now.
I've been getting plenty of spins and bike rides in on my new bike :) Definitely a different feeling than my old bike and my body is still trying to get used to it.
This weekend I have a 9 mile run (HA!) scheduled for Saturday and a 40 mile bike ride on Sunday. We'll see how those go ...
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