Where did 2010 go??

So I'm horrible at updating this blog. And every time I sign on to post something new, I make a promise that I will be better at updating it ... well I know myself ... it's not gonna happen. I do want to do a better job of documenting my Ironman experiences this season so hopefully I'll post more often, but we'll see.

2010 is coming to a close. Where the F*** did the year go? It's been quite an amazing year ... lots of highs and lows. I lost my beloved dog, Roxy, this year due to Lymphoma. Not a day goes by that I don't miss her. *Tear*. I got a fresh start on my finances by filing bankruptcy which was a tough decision but ultimately the smartest thing I could have done. I started dating an amazing man who puts a smile on my face every day ... We've been dating almost a year and we moved in together this week. I started on a spiritual journey to develop a personal relationship with God (something completely new and foreign to me - but I'm excited to see where it takes me).


The last couple weeks of this year have been pretty stressful. I'm so looking forward to January. Starting the 28 day cleanse again - can't wait to start eating healthier and feeling better. Starting training again - have pretty much taken this entire month off - so it's time to get back on track. And I got a new Parlee TT bike for Christmas from Nate and my family. I CAN'T WAIT to ride it although I'm scared I'll crash it :P

Not sure how to end this blog ... and really want to leave work now. So .... until next time.

28 Days to Health: Week 2

Week 2 is the start of "actively cleansing" the body. We've begun to incorporate the Cleanse powder in with our shakes and are now taking 2 Cleanse Capsules in the morning and before bed. I was a little worried that I may be running to the bathroom all day but it hasn't been like that at all.



Sunday night experienced some bloating and gas (sorry ... but that's part of the process).

I've started to get cravings for some foods we're not allowed to eat ... like pizza. I scoured the internet trying to find gluten free recipes but I guess we're not allowed pizza due to the yeast in the dough. So have to wait until after the cleanse to fulfill that craving.

Overall, feeling pretty good. I haven't been tired throughout the day like I normally am (bored ... at work ... but not tired).

28 Days to Health: Week 1

Day 2 - Weight 151

I knew I had a party to go to where I wouldn't be able to eat anything so instead I had dinner before the party and took a bag of peas to snack on while everyone else was snacking on chips and guacamole. I was satisfied with my peas.

I noticed today I'm feeling a little weak - not necessarily tired - just weak. Some things seems to take all my energy and I find myself trying to catch my breath.

Later in the evening after we were leaving the party, I started to get a throbbing headache. We were told we could experience flu like symptoms for the first week or two as our bodies are getting rid of toxins. I guess they weren't kidding. My headache continued all night.

Day 3 - Weight 150.5

I woke up several times throughout the night to pee. Each time I realized my headache was still there. When I finally woke up this morning for work, the headache was even worse than before. As if that wasn't enough - I felt completely nauseous. To the point where I thought about calling in sick and laying in bed all day.

Luckily the nauseousness subsided somewhere around late morning. But the headache continued ALL DAY!!

For dinner, I made Greek Stuffed Chicken with klamata olives, artichoke hearts, cherry tomatoes, sun dried tomatoes, onion, and probably some other ingredients. Served with a Cucumber and Tomato salad. Another benefit of this cleanse is I'm actually learning to make new meals and willing to try some new things :)

Went to bed somewhat early ... and headache free!

Day 4 - Weight 149

Yesterday I added up the calories in all the teas, shakes and dinner and and it only came to about 1200 cal. This is way too low. So Nate talked to the nutritionist last night and asked about our calorie intake. She agreed - we need to get more calories in during the day. So she suggested adding more calories to our shakes, adding another meal during the day, eating more at dinner time and/or healthy snacks.

For my shakes today I added more coconut milk and I took raw almonds to work to snack on.

Had a slight headache in the morning - came and went periodically throughout the day.

Day 5 - Weight 148.5

I LOVE seeing the numbers on the scale drop every day.

Woke up with a slight headache. Then aggravated it by a hectic morning of waking up late and scrambling to get to work on time. Didn't eat breakfast until almost 11am. Headache finally went away in the afternoon.

Day 6 - Weight 148


Slight upset stomach this morning - nothing major. Tired during the day - but I think due to boredom at work.

Day 7 - Weight 147.5

So this is the end of week 1. It's been a lot easier than I thought it would be. I wasn't looking forward to drastically changing my eating habits but it hasn't been that hard. I still don't have any cravings for food (although the donuts sitting in the kitchen at work did look good). Normally I wouldn't have the willpower to stay away from them but today I just looked and kept on walking. Last night we went to a bar for a friend's birthday and I think that was the most difficult part ... sitting at a bar and not able to drink.

I'm pretty tired today but I didn't sleep well last night. Hoping this sleeping thing gets better as the cleanse goes on.

We start "actively" cleansing tomorrow. This week was all about removing inflammatory foods from our diet. Considering I lost 7 lbs this week just by removing these foods makes me wonder what it was I was eating before that made my body hold on to the weight. I ate relatively healthy ... but there must have been something in my diet that my body didn't like.

28 Days to Health: Day 1

I've started a journey of 28 days to health. It was Nate's idea and at first I had no interest in doing it at all. But somehow he talked me into it :P

My goal is to keep track of how I'm feeling through this process. I've already had a ton of people ask what it is, what it involves, what do we eat, etc. So I'm going to try to get it all down here.

For the most part, every day the meals will be the same with the exception of dinner and snacks if I need them.

Upon Waking: Water, Cleanse Capsule, and Detox Tea

Breakfast: Protein Shake (example: 2 scoops vanilla protein powder, 1/2 scoop fiber, 1 c. water, 1/4 c. coconut milk, 1/2 c. strawberries)

Mid-Morning Drink: Detox Tea

Lunch: Protein Shake (same as breakfast)

Mid-Afternoon Drink: 1 scoop Greens w/ 8oz water and 2 tsp Omega

Dinner Example: Chicken breast with brown rice pasta, pesto and asparagus (Yum!)

Before Bed: Cleanse Capsule (Cleanse Tea every other night)

Overall I felt pretty good today. The shakes are easy to make and taste decent. Dinner was delicious! Didn't feel hungry and didn't have any cravings. One thing I noticed is I have to pee ... A LOT!

Starting Weight: 154.5
I would like to measure body fat also but haven't had it tested yet.

I'm Really Bad At This

Blogging that is.

So I've decided to not run the Camarillo marathon next month (that's $100 I'll never get back). But it doesn't make sense to also spend money on hotel, travel, food, etc. when I don't feel prepared for the race. I know I could go the distance - but not sure I'd feel too great afterwards.

Instead I'm going to start a 28 day cleanse (beginning this Friday). I hope to be able to write about the experience ...

Also focusing on sticking with the P90x program until Ironteam season starts again. So far so good.

Blah!

What is with me this week? Seriously!? I've been in a "funk" all week and not sure how to get out of it.

Last weekend was amazing. I got to experience an Ironman from a spectator's point of view. All I can say is WOW! It was truely inspiring.

Plus Nate competed in Aqua Bike and placed 3rd in his age group - I was so happy and excited for him.

And then came Sunday and I felt completely drained. It's been getting progressively worse and today I just don't give a $hit about anything. Needless to say I haven't worked out at all this week which probably isn't helping my mood. Oh well. Tonight I'm going home to do nothing but relax and sleep. Here's to a better tomorrow.

I am not a runner

I am not and will probably never be a runner. Very rarely do I get that "high" from running. Sure, I feel accomplished afterwards (after I am able to catch my breath and stop sweating) but I never seem to enjoy the act of running. I never look at my running shoes and wonder where they can take me today. Instead I look at them and say to myself "this is going to suck".

Last night my schedule called for a 5k Time Trial to check my VDOT score. I started the Ironteam season with a score of 29. In February I retested and I went up to a 34. Last night I expected to at least keep my current score which means I would have run the 5k in 27 minutes. I ended up finishing closer to 29 minutes. So 2 minutes shouldn't be that big of deal, but now my VDOT has dropped to 32. I guess it shouldn't matter - afterall it's just a number. But I feel discouraged. I want to be faster and at this point in the season I should be. It's disappointing.

It's funny. I guess everyone wants to be faster. Nate was saying that he wishes he was faster (his VDOT is like 50 something) - and yet I would give anything just to be able to keep up with him. It would be nice to actually run together and have me not feel like I'm holding him back or that my lungs are going to explode because I'm trying to keep his pace.

Tonight's schedule calls for an 8 mile run. Obviously I'm not looking forward it.

New Tattoo

Sick

It's July ... and I caught a cold. Something doesn't seem right here. Saturday morning I woke up with a sore throat and the feeling like I could throw up at any second. A feeling that lasted all day and carried into the night. Sunday less nausea but a worse sore throat. Today I just feel overall blah. I must look it too because while in a meeting with my boss this morning he said I looked miserable and told me to go home.

So needless to say I didn't get in any of my planned workouts this weekend which is more than a little irritating. I got to watch the Ironteam complete a 100 mile ride from hell (Tour of the East Bay Alps). I had done this ride last year and was in no way jealous of them on Saturday. I was perfectly content riding in the car and cheering them on from there; offering support when needed. But I was actually looking forward to running 16 miles on Sunday. I had a couple really good runs during the week and was hoping I would have a great long run - maybe even get a decent time.

Hoping this cold runs its course quickly. Off to nap.

Finding Motivation

I REALLY didn't want to run last night. After an hour of weight training and core workouts I was ready for dinner, wine, TV and bed. Nate was supposed to run too but said he was lacking motivation as well. It was his idea to run together (which we never do because he's twice as fast as I am). He said he could run at his IM Marathon pace of 9 min/miles and I could run at my 5k pace of 8:55 (my scheduled track workout was supposed to be 7x800's at 5k pace anyway). We ended up running the first mile in about 8:45 then walked for a minute and continued that pattern for about 4 miles. It was at that time I was done. I told Nate to continue ahead. I felt like I was holding him back but he stayed with me. I was able to run 1/2 miles with a minute or so walk in between. My lungs were hurting, my side was cramping, my legs didn't want to move. I started complaining about everything. "Running is stupid", "Ironman is stupid", "wind is stupid". I think Nate found this amusing ... apparently I can be quite cute when I'm tired and grumpy.

Towards the end of the run I felt like seeing how fast I could go. I topped out at 6:15 min/miles but it probably lasted maybe 30 seconds. Still ... I realized maybe I wasn't as tired as I thought if I could still sprint a little.

Ended up doing 6.35 miles in 1:02. Not bad with all my walk breaks during the second half. I was tired but felt good for sticking with it.

Thanks Nate for staying with me. You were my motivation to keep going :)

The Time Has Come

... to start training again. I don't have any excuses anymore. My marathon is less than 3 months away. Ironteam season starts again in 4 months. My only other time commitment during the week is work. My only excuse is laziness. It's time.

As always when I restart this blog it's with the idea that it will keep me honest in my training. Let's hope that holds true this time.

Tonight's training calls for a track run. Stay tuned.

Thank You

In talking with Nate and jokingly asking him if I should write a blog just for him ... I realized that I should.

He has been there for me this entire week - helping me get over the loss of my dog. He is always there for me whether it's a bad day at work or just in general - he always knows how to cheer me up. He is helping me get my life back on track in so many ways and I just don't know how to thank him enough. So I'm putting it here: Thank you Nate.

Thank you for being a part of my life. You make me incredibly happy.

Love,
Me

Roxy's Cancer

October 21, 2009: Roxy's first chemo treatment

A few days before this I had noticed a somewhat large pinkish/red bump on her foot in between her toes. I just thought it was an abcess - no big deal. They just drain those, bandage it up, prescribe some ointment and antibiodics and good to go. I made her an appointment the following day. The vet did a full exam and then told me that the lump on her foot was not an abcess but actually looked like a tumor. She also pointed out that the lymph nodes behind her back legs were larger than normal and she would like to aspirate them and send to the lab for further testing. While I thought we were there for a simple procedure, she warned me I should be prepared for a diagnosis of Lymphoma. The next 2 days were horrible. Everyone told me not to worry, that things would be fine. But I knew they wouldn't be. I knew the vet was right. And on October 21, 2009 I got the call that it was in fact Stage 3 High Grade Lymphoma.

The vet explained several options which included chemo, radiation, steroids, etc and told me to think about what I would like to do. That night the decision was made to start chemo (Madison Wisconsin Protocol) and she received her first dose of Asparginase. And I received a $600 vet bill.

Over the next few weeks she received a chemo injection every week. Alternating between Vincristine, Cyclophosphamide and Adriamycin. She seemed to be tolerating everything really well. Some days after chemo she would seem more lethargic but she always had energy for walks and play time. On November 5, 2009 she was declared in remission. Really!? That fast? The vet said the fact that she responded so quickly was a good sign.

On November 21 we were at the vet again but this time not for chemo treatments. Roxy was constantly coughing and throwing up. She had a slight fever and after chest xrays the vet's diagnosis was kennel cough. We were isolated from all other animals in the vet's office - even had to enter and exit through a separate door.

We continued weekly treatments through January until the protocol called for every other week. Still, Roxy handled the treatments well and loved going to the vet. I know, what dog LOVES to go to the vet?! But they treated her so well there. On days were I had to drop her off early, the technician would let Roxy sleep under the desk in her office. Plus I'm sure she got all kinds of treats.

April 20, 2010 was scheduled to be Roxy's last chemo treatment. The end of the 6 month protocol. I was looking forward to another 6 or more months cancer free with the occasional checkup. Reality kicked in hard when at her follow up appointment the vet said she had come out of remission. The protocol was no longer working. We needed to try something else. My heart sank. My poor dog had just gone through 6 months of having poison pumped into her body. I didn't want to put her through any more. But she was still a happy dog. Still full of energy and full of life. I needed to try whatever the vet had to offer.

They put her on Lomustine which was a monthly pill that she would take as long as her body could handle it. Ok - I can hang with that. On May 28th we went in for another checkup and not only had the Lomustine not helped get her back into remission, but it also raised her liver values. Basically her liver and spleen were both enlarged. She was put on antibiodics and several over the counter antioxidants. The vet said we could try another dose of the Asparginase which is what put her into remission the fist time. I said okay.

The following week I took my mom with me to Roxy's checkup appointment. The vet said that her lymph nodes hadn't shrunk as much as she hoped and at this point there wasn't much they could offer. She prescribed prednisone and suggested I make an appointment at UC Davis to see what they could recommend. I tried to go to work that day, but couldn't concentrate on anything. I left and called UC Davis and made an appointment for the following week.

On June 15, 2010 my mom and I took the day off work and drove to UC Davis. After a 3.5 hour appointment, they gave me the option of a chemo drug we hadn't tried yet. The outlook was still not good. For weekly visits to UC Davis and no guarantee it would work (it actually seemed like they thought it wouldn't work considering what she had been through already) we were looking at maybe 2-3 extra months of life. My decision was made. I couldn't put her through that. I couldn't put myself through that. I decided to keep her on the prednisone until it was time.

That weekend was one to remember. Saturday I drove Roxy and Diesel to Santa Cruz where we met up with Nate and his brothers. Windy day ... but she didn't care. Digging in the sand, playing in the ocean, laying in the sun. Sunday I took her to my dad's house to swim in his pool. She LOVED it. Looking back - I'm so glad we got to enjoy that time together.

A couple days later we went for a walk and she seemed really sluggish which had me worried. But still she showed excitment to go outside and seemed happy. Thursday morning I woke up and found blood dropplets on the carpet. I found her laying on the tile entryway by the front door. She was drooling and panting pretty heavily. The lymph nodes in her neck grew HUGE overnight. I tried to get her to eat - no luck. I tried treats - no luck. I tried ice cream and she turned her head away. I knew it was time to let go. My mom and Sam came over and we all gave Roxy lots of hugs and kisses. I had spent some time before that saying goodbye. Telling her I loved her and that I was sorry I couldn't have done more.

My mom drove to the vet and I rode in the back with Roxy. I asked my mom if she thought Roxy knew what was going to happen. She said yes ... I'm still not sure. We got to the vet and Roxy was excited to see everyone but I could tell she was very sick. Her favorite vet technician came out to see us - Roxy didn't even get up to greet her. It was definitely time.

They set up a room for us with blankets on the floor for Roxy. The vet came in to explain everything. Other people came in to have me sign forms. It's all kind of a blur. They gave us some time to say our goodbyes. There were lots of tears. We let the vet know when we were ready. She came in and we all sat around Roxy on the floor. I sat by her head. As the injections went it, Roxy's head slowly layed down onto my lap. Just like she was going to sleep. It was such a sweet yet incredibly sad moment. I let her lay there for quite some time before we asked the vet to come get her. I didn't want to leave her and I wasn't sure how to live my life without her.

For the past 8 months our lives have revolved around chemo treatements, vet visits, special food, daily and twice daily medications. I woke up Friday morning not knowing what to do with myself.

It's now been a week since she passed away and my heart hurts every day. I miss her so much. Even things I used to yell at her for (like barking at people walking by) - now when I hear people outside I miss that bark. I miss taking her on walks and watching her roll around on the grass like a complete weirdo. I miss waking up in the morning with her head resting on my legs (or on the pillow next to me). I miss coming home from work and her greeting me at the door like she hasn't seen me in weeks. She was an amazing dog and a great friend. I will miss her every day.

Rest in Peace Roxy
September 26, 2004 - June 24, 2010

Change is ...

It's amazing how much one's life can change in a year.

Since my last post in April 2009, I've had my series of ups and downs. I split from my boyfriend of 8.5 years, I completed an Ironman, I found out my dog had Lymphoma, I joined another season of TNT as a mentor, my house went into foreclosure, I moved to San Ramon, I learned some people just aren't who they seem to be, I gained some new amazing lifelong friends, I filed for bankruptcy ... and now finally ... FINALLY ... I feel like my life is getting back on track. It's a slow process but after building up the life I thought I would lead and then practically having to start over ... well things just don't change overnight.

At the moment I'm trying to focus on positive things. Thankfully I have people in my life to help me do that.

And there it is. The first blog in over a year. There's so much more that could be said. But for fear of dwelling on past events, I think that's enough for now.